I Am Hormonal, Hear Me Roar
Today, I am not particularly inspired. Or friendly.
All those things that I think of during the week, and all those notes I take in preparation for the day when I write to you all – well those ideas all suck, ok?
As does everything right now.
Why?
Because I’m hormonal.
My breastfeeding journey is over
Pregnant Bildo is a delight! So is breastfeeding Bildo.
But now, all that good stuff that was flowing through me is gone because I am no longer breastfeeding. It’s been nice and all but I’m super glad that I finally have my body back. A bit roughed up, but it’s back.
With that though, come the raging hormones! And I know it’s hormones, because I am completely and utterly unreasonable about everything right now.
It’s a real thing
Men often don’t understand what it means when a woman gets hormonal. They just think we are massive bitches who can’t get their shit together. And once a month, for the most part, that’s exactly what it is.
But it’s not by choice!
It feels like I have a black cloud helmet on and it’s blocking any joy from cutting through.
All the things that normally make me happy, like Mondays, and writing and watching Stan when the baby is asleep – well none of it is really hitting the spot today.
Instead, this morning at 9:30 I was wondering if it’s too early to have a beer and for lunch I decided that chocolate was a good choice.
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So rather than fight it and try and pretend that I care about the problem with feminism and the things making the headlines this week, I’ll tell you about all the shit that annoys me in life. Starting with fucking celery.
Celery
Celery, you suck!
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And you’re in so much good stuff. Like Minestrone soup and coleslaw.
Even when I buy the mixed coleslaw from the shops, the stuff I just have to put the mayo into, and celery is in there, I have to pick out the fuckers.
And the Husband even dared to bring some into the house! Which is as much a surprise to me as it is to you, because he also hates the stupid, stalky vegetable.
You see, we got a pressure cooker and he is really excited about trying new recipes, but I drew the line at celery. He promised he was talking it out as soon as he made the base for his casserole.
And he did. Lucky for him.
‘P’ Platers
‘P’ platers! My arch enemies!
I don’t even hate learner drivers! They are learning, so I’m happy to wait for them to indicate for a kilometre before turning left.
But ‘P’ platers have all the bravado with none of the experience. I have been flipped off by a ‘P’ plater once when they cut me off! What the shit?!
Then there’s the texting and selfies while they drive!
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And they have no manners. Like, when someone lets you merge, it’s polite to wave, you little pricks!
I just can’t even.
Musicals
Why must you sing EVERYTHING!
You would think that with my very musical family, mild talent for singing and an adoration of television and movies, that I would have the perfect recipe for a natural love of musicals, but I cannot STAND them. It even annoys me when I see singing in cartoons.
I tried watching Monster Family the other day – turned it off at the 3 minute mark because of their opening musical number.
Image Credit: IMDb
No, thank you.
But I must have loved Grease!
Nope.
Evita?
Nope.
Frozen, surely!
Meh. It was ok.
Seeded bread
I fucking hate you too, seeded bread!
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Your stupid seeds get stuck in my teeth and it’s just not necessary. I like my bread to be the vehicle for the Nutella, ok, I don’t need it to make my insides healthy!
Exercise
Why must I exercise to be fit and healthy? Couldn’t I just step into a machine that will work everything out for me, while I watch TV?
It makes me sweaty, it takes time, it’s hard.
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That’s all I have to say about that.
Mud cake
Chocolate flavoured cake is my least favourite, which is weird because I LOVE chocolate! But chocolate mud cake is just too dense, too gluggy, it’s just not right. And why is every single wedding cake made out of this stupid dense cake?
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Mine wasn’t, if that’s what you were thinking. We had passionfruit cake and it was the most delicious fucking cake EVER!
It arrived un-decorated but that was a misunderstanding and nothing that Woolworths couldn’t fix with some edible glitter and decorative sugar balls.
Sleep deprivation
…is a form of torture.
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Not gonna lie, I did not have a lot of sleep last night and perhaps this is adding to my annoyance today.
So on that note, I bid you adieu, and I’m going to take a nap while the kid is still asleep.
Then I have to clean the house, because I have made an absolute mess today.
Peace out, B!
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