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  • Writer's pictureBildo and Lindalin

Fast Five: Current Events Corner

There’s always lots going on in the news, seeing as it’s the news, and although there’s no way I could keep up with talking about stuff that happens daily, because children, here are some belated thoughts about some (relatively) current events.

Let’s start with the ones that annoyed me this week.

Religious Schools Allowed to Ban Gay Kids

What the actual fuck?

Look, I don’t know a lot about the details, but this is how I understand it.

Following the legalisation of same sex marriage last year, apparently the Conservatives demanded an inquiry into how this new law would affect religious freedom.

First of all, what the fuck is religious freedom? Is it just me, or is everything about religion counterproductive to freedom?

Anyway, five months on, a report has been leaked where by an independent inquiry reportedly recommended all faith-based schools be allowed to turn away gay people if they so choose – students and teachers alike – due to a law that’s already in existence.

How they will know who is gay and who is not, is a mystery.


The Prime Minister ScoMo (who I wouldn’t recognize if he served me coffee) played down the report on Wednesday stating that it is an “existing law”, a term he should start getting paid for, due to his overuse of it.

But all that aside, seeing as so many religious heads (Catholic priests, I’m looking at you) are gay, this is where the religious laws are absolute bullshit.

The rules that religious nuts choose to follow are so selective, it’s no wonder most normal people hate religions.

It’s like this:

  1. Gay children and teachers – not allowed education.

  2. Catholic Priests, i.e. Bridge Builders between God and humanity – totally cool to rape children and continue to preach goodness to their followers.

Yea, ok.

Weight Wars

Ok, I’m confused.

On the news this morning, there was yet another segment on how Australians are fat and getting fatter.

I mean, this is not a good thing, right? Apparently more than 70% of Australians are now classified as obese.

Then there are the body positivity movements that are encouraging me to be accepting and supportive of all shapes and sizes, that being overweight isn’t like being a leper.

The messages are too conflicting!

I think to myself, what do I want to teach my daughters? What if one of them grows up to be overweight, I don’t want them thinking they need to be skinny to be beautiful. But I also want them to be healthy and being overweight is unhealthy, right?

I’m torn between being supportive of overweight people, who are fighting their own war not to be judged and to be accepted as they are, and between thinking to myself “seriously though, can you put down the doughnut and go for a walk in the name of health?”

I know that’s really mean, and please don’t feel offended. It’s an internal struggle!

Hell Hath no Fury like a Muddied Woman

This week, I was one of 16,500 women who were getting fit for Miss Muddy, just to be sourly disappointed.

Miss Muddy was scheduled to start in Brisbane on 13 October 2018, however without any real reason why, the event was rescheduled to March 2019.

Then out of nowhere, on 9 October 2018, it was announced that the entire Miss Muddy enterprise has collapsed in spectacular fashion, angering women across the country.

Allan Turner, the CEO of Events Move Enterprises Pty Ltd, acquired the entire event on 1 July this year and exactly 100 days since the acquisition, Miss Muddy went into liquidation.

Never to be repeated, here I am a few years ago with some girlfriends. Muddy and all.


According to his interview with Tom Elliot on 3AW, when Allan bought Miss Muddy, he was aware that the money from the 14,500 tickets already purchased prior to the sale, were not part of the deal and he had the mammoth task of selling a further 8,000 tickets in approximately 3 months to make it all happen.

Allan was a very confident man.

And now it seems that no one is getting their money back, making hens parties, frustrated mothers and fitness fanatics alike, furious!

O, oh!

Thing is, Allan, if you had just confided and shared your woes with the thousands of women who had already purchased tickets, perhaps you wouldn’t be in this situation – women would have banded together, gotten their girlfriends to join in on the fun and we probably could have saved you a lot of grief – and money.

To be fair to Allan, he has assumed complete responsibility. Not that that’s appeased anyone.

The UnReal Bachelorette

Ahh, The Bachelorette is back!

I’ve watched UnReal, ok, I know how these things go, so I can never watch too much. I can’t take all the cringe that comes along with it.

But I watched the first episode of Ali Oetjen’s season and I wasn’t overly opinionated until I read the news the next day.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. The whole thing is ridiculous, we all know that! The whole franchise is like speed dating, with the rush towards marriage as the ultimate joke – you can’t fucking date 20 men and then get engaged to one whilst you dump the other!

Image Credit: PopSugar

It’s just bizarre. Emotions just aren’t that clear cut, like Blake, Ben and the latest victim, the Honey Badger, will attest to.

I digress.

The reason Ali pissed Twitter off was because of the weird entrance by Bill or David or whatever the fuck his name is.Let’s call him Sue.

So Sue comes in, professing that his name is Bill but he wasn’t born Bill, he was born something different…

…oh, David! David is what he was born!

As most Australians, and Ali, did a collective sigh of relief, little did we all know that another minority would be offended and cue Twitter storm of fantastical proportions.

But a) It was Sue’s stupid joke, and b) why is it bad that Ali was relieved?

I get it and we should all be accepting, Sue in fact should be called David if he is now David, but that’s too complicated for a blonde who came on the same show for the third time, hoping to meet the love of her next 15 minutes.

Just sayin’.

Nickelback is coming to town!

And now, for the best news – Nickleback is back!

Here we go! Australia, we're counting down the days. Grab those tickets now: — Nickelback (@Nickelback) October 10, 2018

I’m not saying that I’ll be going to see them when they tour Australia – I hate concerts. I hate crowds and noise and standing on my feet too long, and cues and lines and people stepping on my toes – no, no, no. I will not be going.

But I have always liked Nickelback, I maintained my love and support for them when they were the laughing stock of the world. For reasons unknown to me by the way, they were the voice of my generation!

If you’re shaking your head and trying to tell me that you don’t know the words to ‘This is how you remind me’, you would be fucking lying!

So yay, Nickelback!

Anyway, that’s enough controversy for today.

Thanks for stopping by, be good.


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