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  • Writer's pictureBildo and Lindalin

5 Christmas Foods for Thought

Christmas is upon us, good people!

And although I swing wildly between enthusiasm and downright contempt, it’s undeniable that this time of year tends to swirl the memories of the year that was and twirl ideas of what the next year will bring.

Christmas is also the time when (almost) everyone takes a break, gets together, celebrates, eats, drinks and waits in anticipation to see what that chubby, jolly motherfucker will put under the tree for them.

So as the year wraps up, I’d like to share my top five thoughts about Christmas this year… starting with everyone’s favourite fatty – Santa!

1. Poor, poor Shopping Centre Santa…

Honestly, does anyone get the feeling that Shopping Centre Santa’s deserve a prescription of valium from the doctor without even explaining? Like, they would just walk into their doctor and be like…

Santa: “Hey Doc, listen, Christmas is coming up and I’ve scored a gig as Santa…”

Doctor: “Enough said, sir! For your service to the country, you get a double dose of whatever drugs you want to get you through…”

Can you imagine watching the line grow longer and the kids more agitated…

Because let’s face it. I love it when I see friends post photos of their kids absolutely losing their shit when taking a photo with Santa.

I’ve walked past the hordes of parents and children, all patiently (or impatiently), waiting their turn, just to get to Santa, realise that sitting on a strangers lap when you’re two years old is a tad fucking scary, and lose said shit.

Kids freaking out with Santa (x-post from r/funny) from photoshopbattles

And every year, these photos are getting more and more popular!

But does anyone think of poor Santa? For one, it can’t do much for your self esteem having so many kids cry in your face for what must be hours on end. But two, how stressful would that be?

When my kid cries without apparent reason for more than 90 seconds, I start losing my shit back at her.

Can you imagine watching the line grow longer and the kids more agitated and know that you have to put on your kind face with every single one of them, when really, your soul is almost broken?

Shopping Centre Santa, I salute you!

2. There is more Christmas music out there than Mariah’s “All I Want for Christmas”

You know my feelings about Christmas in general, but Christmas music in particular irks me unbelievably.

Thankfully, for some reason, even I like Mariah’s “All I Want for Christmas” and sing along to it gleefully every year. But at a Christmas party the other day, the gracious host was playing Christmas music by Christina Aguilera, Justin Bieber, Britney Spears… and I was like “what tha fuuuuck?!”

I had no idea this music existed. Am I alone in this?

And now even Miley’s in on the action…

I quite like what she did there…

Anyway, now you too can enjoy the same old fucking Christmas songs but by your favourite artist. Fun!

3. Gifts Galore

Oh man, kids are so easily surprised. And my big kid especially, who at two and a half is LOVING life and is just so in awe of everything!

There’s nothing like seeing your kid open up a present, see her eyes get all big while she breathes out “Wow..!”

And the gifts! Oh the gifts come from every side of friends and family! We’ve already been to two Christmas parties and received so many wonderful presents for the kids.

On that note, thank you to all my friends and family for all the gifts the kids have received. I’m not gonna lie, there’s a huge possibility that I will be hiding half of them so we can re-gift it to the girls again at their upcoming birthdays, bwahahahaha!

4. A time for Family

I mean, we all know that Christmas is a time for appreciating your loved ones, but honestly, how nice is it to love and to be loved?

Much as I complain that I had to buy aunt Jan and uncle John (not real people) gifts, frankly, I also love giving gifts and seeing them be received.

Everyone wants to be loved and thought of and in the end it really doesn’t take that much effort and doesn’t have to cost that much money.

Handy Hint: Start your shopping in September, you dills! You can thank me next Christmas…

All I want for Christmas… is my health!

But ultimately, the thing that plays on my mind as another beautiful year wraps up, is that I am alive and healthy and have a husband that’s just the best, my children are happy and growing up in a peaceful and beautiful place and truly – there’s nothing else in the world that matters more than that.

It’s impossible to miss all the appeals for money to help sick children in hospitals, like the Channel Nine Telethon held last month.

And every time I hear of an appeal or listen to sad stories about families who couldn’t afford to be together whilst their child needed treatment – well that shit cuts real deep now that I’m a mother.

So really, all I want this Christmas, all I want any and EVERY Christmas for the rest of my life – is for my children to be happy and healthy. Because nothing else truly matters, does it?

So, what’s a Christmas Food for thought you’ve had this year?

Be safe and enjoy your holidays and celebrate and love and eat and drink (but don’t drive) and be happy!



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